You really coming over, don't trick.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
