May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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