Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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