At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
