believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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