I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
