My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
