i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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