my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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