i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
