rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
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BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
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Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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