The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
he thought i was a dude.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
