Just cropdusted the office
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
