did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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