Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
