You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
