either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I lost the right to judge tonight
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
