we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
