oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
