so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
