Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My dick has a subreddit
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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