Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
