She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
