He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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