Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
