Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
