he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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