Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
