woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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