I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
