can u get pink eye on your cock?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
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