the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
