We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
