You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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