We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
