not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
