ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
