So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
