Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
