i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
