she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
