i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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