as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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