So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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