Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry jesslaw hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(617): View more from Massachusetts

i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine

Fav 33 1078 3822
share tweet
(816): View more from Missouri

He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.

Fav 103 978 9201
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(606): View more from Kentucky

A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...

Fav 51 5428 863
share tweet
(914): View more from New York

Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk

(1-914): View more from New York

It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you

Fav 55 9045 1188
share tweet
(205): View more from Alabama

btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever

Fav 11 2659 2002
share tweet
(432): View more from Texas

Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.

Fav 5 1599 3138
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(817): View more from Texas

No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.

Fav 11 2665 960
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(815): View more from Illinois

When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome

Fav 6 2238 625
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(443): View more from Maryland

I just gargled with NyQuil

Fav 0 137 201
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT