mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize