I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm drive I can fine osifer
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
