I showed him my bush... on skype.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
