Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
