i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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