he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
