I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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