i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
