is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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