That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's shark week go big or go home
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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