So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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