three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
