I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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