Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
