Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
This can only be settled by a dance off.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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