Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
