Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It's blow job season.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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