remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
