K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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