i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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