He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
