I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize