The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
