The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
