I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
