Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
