these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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