he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize