Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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