i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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