I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
