she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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