I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
