Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
